You are correct, there are bound to be some high stress times during the wedding planning. Many initiate from disagreements during the planning of a wedding. Believe me, they can come from every angle. They frequently cause brides or couples to become stressed out. The end result of a loving, beautiful experience becomes ridden with bad memories. The following will give you some insights to these concerns. Please take a few minutes to analyze the following and let us know your thoughts on the subject. After thirty years of working with brides....Here are a few of mine...
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Understanding what flares anger will help calm and sometimes dis-spell emotional armament -- because it arms you with a CHOICE on whether you RESPOND or REACT.
Most ANGER comes from Blocked Goals, Someone's Lack of Integrity, Lack of Money and Dealing with other people's Critiques, Our Self Doubts, Other people's Self-Centered Attitudes and Hormonal Emotions plus good old Wedding Envy. This leads to Stress Issues surrounding a wedding day....and when it is your wedding day - who needs it.
Who is in charge? Couples are often afraid of letting any decision go because of family or friend interference. It is difficult to get the reigns back from a stagecoach out of control. Brides fear turning over one decision to another person...because they might take over the entire project. This can really exhaust a bride, especially if she has never completed a wedding before.
UNDERSTANDING YOUR PERSONAL ANGER...
Notice if your anger builds as your goals and ideas become challenged? Often a Bride's Goal is to get the wedding plans completed - her way...yet she has to speak up in a very loud chorus of voices who are telling her what to do.... and still...publically.... be cheerful about it!
Also keep in perspective the dynamics of family and friends expectations, rifes, closeness, disloyal sisters, brothers and mothers who raised you both. If you tend to be a people pleaser - please stop - they can derail your personal goals. Pretty soon couples are carrying a huge backpack of people's concerns and input....that can lead to your feeling far to responsible for others. This leads to frustration, sleepless nights and stuffed anger that can come in on the days of your monthly cycle to haunt you. As a bride, your first consideration is your groom and your second is your budget.
Suggestions: Make Choices ahead - on how you will respond to people. Stand as a couple - a team of two - for the strength to say what WE WANT if the situation occurs. You're not playing football where the best defense is an strong offense. Offense is part of the word offensive -- there are alternatives.
Sadly some brides grab the overused sentence of, "Its My Wedding!" which turns others off - like a switch. Being in charge of your wedding can be an excellent platform to show leadership skills - not dictatorial skills.
Alternative Statements "We value your input regarding our wedding, we will discuss this, and if we can use it (the idea) we will." OR... "Thanks for the helpful idea, I will discuss this with......"
What statement would you make??
TIPS...
When you begin feeling upset, analyze where the feelings are coming from and create a log. Set up your best way to respond to issues and
honor your stated values. Understand - we can select our friends, but we cannot always select our relatives. When people are nervous they react/respond differently. ... and that is true of family members and the wedding party.
Ask one friend, or your groom to be your sounding board on concerns - everyone does not have to know the problems that come up in the planning process or who did what to whom. Find methods to get rid of your stress as the wedding comes closer. Trips to the gym's punching bag or kick boxing and walks or running have high merits on lowering stress. Take it easy on dieting - that really raises your stress level and remember, it also produces cortizone - a big weight issue.
The wedding videos, movies and t.v. shows often give us reactionary brides -- most do not show how to deal with situations, or show you
how to be a "responsive bride". You gain this from strong knowledge - that everything will be fine. Gain this reassurance and confidence by using our good wedding planning book.
P.S.
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Copyright © Judith Rivers-Moore, JRPublications 2013-14-15, Santa Rosa, California, UA-36897602-8
